a few days late...but heres Christmas!

so I am totally behind. SORRY! I stilll havent' put up Winter Festival pictures(equivelant to Christmas program, but apparently the name isn't allowed in public schools anymore...gag) They will be up soon.

Anyhow the pictures are of Christmas, The kids got a lot of neat things. Jaysen got a few board games and video games, a drawing book and some dumb Bakugan toys. Brock got a scope for his .22, some posters, a laser chasing car that goes up walls and on the ceiling. Carter got a Diago Back pack that he LOVES, some Bogs mud boots that haven't come off his feet in days other than to sleep and bathe! Kennedi got lots of baby doll stuff, a pretty dress and a balarena outfit, some hair stuff, and cute slippers.

It was good to spend the day with family and we played WII almost all day, which is always fun(right?) Santa brought the wii to Nancy and Kenny so we all stayed over there and played different games all day.

overall it was a great christmas, and of course the kids now have a ton of toys to figure out and find places for. Now its time to start thinking about Kennedi's 2nd birthday on the 30th. what a busy time of year!

SICK KIDS-----> grumpy mamma~!

Why do kids ALWAYS get sick right before holidays? all of my kids were sick for their 1st birthdays...always have SNOTTY noses for christmas pictures, WHY????

Kennedi is sick, and when she gets sick it is scary. I am still afraid every time she gets sick that we are going to end up in the hospital again. and that she is going to have to come home on oxygen again. or worse yet we not catch it soon enough and she be low on oxygen and cause serious problems. Which makes me wonder how parents with REALLY sick kids handle it. She is sick and has some health problems and as her mom it is terrifing, but what the heck would i do if she had something worse, like cancer or something terminal? How is it that they wake up every day and just keep going? How do those parents of children with terminal sickness continue every day and stay positive....I don't know if I could do it. It makes me thankful for Kennedis health problems.

When we were with her at the Childrens hospital in Denver I kept thinking to myself that I was so lucky...and in the same second, I was guilty for taking up the doctors time because all that was wrong with my child was some everlasting breathing trouble, as where the majority of the parents and kids there were dealing with "how long can we keep my child alive" or "how can we improve the last few weeks we have with our child" My prayers and thoughts go out to all those familys that have horrible sickness in their family.

On a different note, I hate doctors, I refuse to pay them to tell me that my child is sick....I can give her breating treatments at home, I can tell when she is sick. Does it make me a bad mother because I don't take her to the doctor, even when she is sick....I would rather deal with it at home than sleep for a week in a uncomfortable bed while doctors and nurses do the same thing I do at home. also, I wonder sometime what other people do for thier sick kiddos....any home remedies...you know the "put vicks on their feet at night" type thing. I don't know if that one works or not but it is interesting! anyone have any other interesting home remedies???

Man, talk about fallin behind!

Sorry! its been a while! I guess with having excruciating tooth pain, starting a new job and trying to get ready for christmas I have let my blog get pushed to the back burner!!!

Well lets see, where do I start to get cought back up.....

I had the WORST pain in my entire life at the beginning of this month, I woke up with a tooth ache and blew it off (man was that a bad idea) and I ended up in the emergancy room because I couldn't handle it~ what a waste that was, the doc was a jerk and gave me a shot to numb the area(that didn't work) and an advil. Started on antibiotics and sent me home, 3 days later I went to the dentist and got no help there either. Apparently, I have a wisdom tooth coming in that put to much pressure on the tooth next to it and cracked it, causing it to become absessed. and to fix it I will have to go to a specialist-the kicker, I cant get in until AFTER christmas....GRRRRRRR!!!!!

I started working at the Torrington Telegram part time doing page layout. I love it! it is an enjoyable job, it gets me out of the house about 16 hours a week which seems to be a good balance between home with the kids and getting away. My co-workers are great and it gives me a chance to have some adult time! plus it helps cushen the finances a little bit!

As far as Christmas shopping goes, I am pretty much done, I have 2 difficult people left and chances are they will end up getting gift cards because I AM TOTALLY STUMPED!

I will try to stay a little more cought up with my blog now that things are slowing down a little...even though December is hectic. we have christmas and kennedis birthday is on the 30th. Jaysen always says she was a late christmas present for us :)

Happy Thanks-birthday

November 26...My birthday, and also every few years it is also Thanksgiving...:) talk about a super good Birthday dinner!!!

We had a great day, I woke up and made 2 pumpkin Pies, and 30 deviled eggs, got ready, got the kids ready, and headed to town to meet the fam for thanksgiving at 12:30. Lunch was delicious as always (one thing I can definately say about my family...they sure can cook!) Then we all played UNO and PHASE 10 until bedtime.

Funny it really wasn't anything exciting, special, or out of the ordinary, but it really is nice just to hit home base once in a while and have good quality family time, and I don't mean JUST mom and dad, I mean the whole fam! No stress, no worries, just good plain loving caring family. I had a blast, it was a great birthday AND thanksgiving! plus I got a TON of "happy birthday's" on my facebook, man I really didn't know I had that many people who gave a crap about me...maybe I should start being more thankful for the people I have in my life.

Walking along a fenceline...

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes, I know that its normal to question yourself and your morals, standards, ethics and it probably is actually healthy to touch base with that occasionally. However, lately I feel like all I do is question myself, why is that? I feel like every aspect of my life are fighting against eachother...this internal battle, no one thing ever wins or gets close enough to cancel any other, but its constant fighting pulls at every angle.

I've never been in a situation that i didnt' really know what side I was on, what stand i would take or what option I would fight for. I have been listening to a song a lot lately, like obsessively, and usually when I get stuck on a song or lyric or movie or whatever it is because I need to figure out the message that is lying in the lyrics, words or whatever. Here are the Lyrics I have been so stuck on the last few days....so much so that its running through my head constantly, and always in the back of my mind.

walking along the fenceline

got my hands in my pocket, got a million things on my mind

well Im not sure what im tryin to find

so i just keep walking , knowing it will come with time

walkin along the fence line.

The Song continues and continues to make me think about everything. I just want someone to step in and tell me whats going on and what to do, but I know I have to just keep walking, and know it will come with time.

Man, maybe sometimes I am just too hard on myself~

There are times in every paretns life that they wonder if they are getting anywhere with their children, if they are teaching them the things they need to know for life and if the children are picking up at all what you are hoping they do. Thats where I have been at for quite a while...I think that my kids are just blowing me off 90% of the time and that I have to be failing miserably as a parent in that area. Then they do things occasionally that make me think maybe im not doing such an awful job. Thats what happened earlier today and again this evening. Earlier the kids were wanting a snack and I had told them NO because they had already had their snack and I didn't want to ruin supper. So Carter continues...

"can i have a cookie"
"nope"

"a candy?"

"nope"

"well, I can have some grapes...."

"Carter, I said no!"

"grapes are good for me, and so are apples mom, I can have them, they aren't junk!"

Man, he has me there! and I am so proud of him for recognising that all the snacks he was asking me for were junk and knew that I would tell him no because of it, but surely I couldn't say no to something healthy! hahaha I hate to admit it, but the little smarty got a few grapes for that one!

Later this evening, Jaysen, who seems to be the one who pulls stupid stunts most and who I seem to wory about most. He just seems to be oblivious to logic half the time and does things that are so silly and strange and absent minded. Well tonight we had French Toast for supper, of course we had syrup with it. Jaysen, not paying any attention poured his on the floor instead of the plate (yep, those are the silly absent minded things i am talking about) He looked at me with a look of confusion on his face and says

"well, I guess I should get a towel"
"yep, I guess you should" I replied.

So as he is getting a towel and cleaning it up he stops and starts digging under the sink. I wondered what on earth he was doing, because spills are a regular happening in our house, usually wiped up and forgotten about. He got the spray cleaner out and said "I think ill use this also since syrup is so sticky, I don't want to leave a sticky smear on the floor for everyone to walk on." WOW! I couldn't believe that he not only wiped up the mess but thought to actually get rid of the sticky mess!!!

Moral of the story is that even though it isn't obvious all the time that the kids are picking up the things im throwin at them, they are. When they do show you that they are comprehending all the things, it is such a great feeling of success~

Also we finally got to do Jaysens Parent teacher conference. It started to feel like we were never going to get it done, but FINALLY! He is doing great in school, his teacher had great things to say about him and couldn't say enough how sharp his mind is. He really is a great kid!!! :)

25 random things about me...

1. I am 25 years old (but only for 15 more days!)

2. I have 4 children but would really like to have 2-3 more.

3. I think I am a very capabal mother however usually I don't think I am being a very good mom.

4. I enjoy reading non fiction and love learning about presidents...

5. I hate stupid television shows

6. I am actually very shy, I hate being around people most of the time.

7. I am a bunny hugger. I am with an avid hunter, but I hate the idea of killing animals.

8. I am so ridiculasly unorganized that it makes me crazy! but in the same hand i never can do anything to change that!

9. I love living in the country and never ever want to live in town or in a city.

10. I want to be a very successful business woman...but I don't really want to ever work away from home

11. My dream job is being a police officer, but I will probably just continue working towards being a Teacher.

12. I have a stupid obsession with pens. like writing pens. I love them, and have a ton.

13. I also have an obsession with vampires. I know its stupid, but i think i was ment to be one.

14. I want to homeschool my kids.

15. I have one Brother, his name is Jeremy and he is 7 years older than me.

16. I am addicted to Facebook, and I am starting to become addicted to my blog also.

17. I love going for walks late at night.

18. I went to europe when I was younger, and really really want to go again.

19. I want a Great Dane or a beagel.

20. When I was little I used to pretend I was magic, and my MAGIC all came from dust in my pocket...yep real dust, like DIRT! haha

21. I don't believe in immunizations or most medical care.

22. I hate halloween and easter, and I love thanksgiving (which is usually also my birthday) I tolerate christmas.

23. I think it is mean to lie to kids...especially about things like the tooth fairy and santa...but I do it anyhow.

24. I hate baseball and golf and nascar.

25. I love getting suprise mail...like letters, cards or packages when I don't expect them!

there are the 25 random things about me...there are plenty more but they aren't all that interesting really! I noticed that as I was writing them...man, i am kinda boring, maybe I need to work on that!

I'm pretty sure I have the cutest little girl in the world!!! (I may be a bit biased though)

Well, today I finally got Kennedi's pictures taken...yeah, the last time was when she was 6 months old. Yikes. Talk about last child syndrom. Isn't it funny how that works...with Jaysen and Brock we have tons and tons of pictures...every milestone, every excuse we got pictures done, with Carter we had them done a few times, here and there, with poor Kennedi she has so few...I mean we have plenty of snapshots, but as far as professional pictures go, one 6 months, one at 22 months.

Anyhow, we had a great time doing them, the ones above I stole from the photographers website, but its ok because ill buy the entire CD...and I wanted to get a couple on here. She is such a HAM. She had a blast being the center of attention and I enjoyed playing dress up with her. By the end we were all pretty much exhausted and ready to call it quits.

On a different note, I am doing a project called "operation christmas child." For those of you who dont know, it is where you fill a shoe box of toys or misc little gifts and they get sent to a child who will otherwise have no christmas. I honestly think that I am more excited to send this to a random child than I am having christmas with my kids. We were going to only do one box, but have decided that each of my kiddos will make a box to send. I think it is a wonderful way to instill the idea of christmas as GIVING not I WANT I WANT I WANT. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling when we as a family do something like this and would love to do more...if anyone knows of any organizations or things that you can suggest that are similar let me know. And if you are interested at all in participating in OPERATION XMAS CHILD please let me know and I will get you the info you need!!!

When life throws you lemons....do what again?

Ok, so here I am, a stay at home mom, and happy as can be doing it. I always planned on going back to work, but not until Kennedi starts school. So my opportunity came 3 years early. What do I do now? I have a chance to start a job (one that i would only think I could dream of without an education) but the opportunity is now and I have to admit, I am a bit torn. I know my kids would be fine without me, I know that I would enjoy the social aspect of a job away from home, I also know that the holidays are coming and a little extra would be great right now. It is a part time job, and fairly flexable, which is wonderful and I think it has the possibility of growing into a full time job later...awesome. I guess in all reality the choice is made...I just need to accept that I don't get to be home with the kids all day and I really need to find someone who will babysit...UGH. Anyone have any suggestions?

Carters gotta girlfriend.....hahaha

So I babysit for a friend of mine after school, this picture if of Carter and her daughter Tavyn. Well, carter informed me the other day that Tavyn was his BEST FRIEND, and she agreed. The next day however...they no longer are best friends. Tavyn is Carters GIRL FRIEND!! haha wow, 3 years old and already? Im not totally sure how to feel about the whole thing, but i have to admit it is pretty darn cute!

Jaysen has his Parent Teacher conferences tonight, I am a little excited, and also a bit nervous, we will see how it goes later. I am sure he is doing fine.

random photos

Grandma Nancy and the kidsme and the big boys

Tough Guys

Jaysen and Brock at the lake

ready to go snorkling in the hot tub at the hotel lol

Halloween Photos...FINALLY!

Finally I figured out how to get these darn pictures on here. Well, I shouldn't pretend I did anything. I just got lucky mostly. Anyhow, now there are some photos of the kids for their 2009 halloween. And even one with their great grandpa Lawrance, although after 3 trys we decided his eyes were just destined to be closed in this picture!!!

The kids had a great time and even though I pretty much HATE halloween, I have to admit it was a fun day and evening. We spent the day at my moms house and got the kids ready there, then went to a few houses trick-or-treating, mostly family and close friends. The kids got plenty of candy and we headed home...

nothing too exciting, but everyone seemed to be satisfied and happy. :)

I think I hate hunting season.

I wonder if at some point I will stop being so bitter and actually be happy for Casey that he has something that he loves so much. I have yet to understand the "thrill" of hunting. I don't get it, I just cant comprehend getting THAT excited and THAT stimulated just to go freeze your behind off and HOPE that you may see something you want to shoot. UGH

plus Hunting means that he is gone. He is not with us, and I hate him being away. He works all of the time...12-15 hour days most of the time, and a lot of times doesnt have a day off. So the days he has off I hold kind of sacred in a sence, I am kind of greedy and want him to myself and the kids. I don't want to share him with his friends so they can go hunting or bowling or anyting else.

Beyond the whole not understanding it thing, is the fact that I am totally jealous of it. I just realized that today. I'm definately NOT jealous of the whole "hunting" thing, i am jealous of the fact that he has a hobby that he really truely LOVES as where I enjoy reading and I enjoy photography and I enjoy scrapbooking, I cant say that i have anything in my life (as far as hobbies go) that really makes me genuinly happy and excited.

I am also jealous that he gets to leave the house and go spend time with guys friends and get rid of stress and relax. Man I cant even remember what that is like! or the last time I did something like that.

I guess maybe I just really need to find a hobby that I love, but I don't even know where to start, or how.

Maybe the whole stay at home thing has totally ruined my social skills. I don't even know how to go about being social and finding new hobbies....that would include doing something new, which- heaven forbid-means being around NEW people also...YIKES

so many pictures.....

Jaysen playing Soccer which is his fav sport Jaysen and Brock in the Hot Tub

Casey and Carter in matching camo

Jaysen and Brocks Pig Wrestling team

Our last family photo...need to get new ones done :(

I have so many photos I want to put on here so bare with me when there are a ton of photos and not much "blogging"
once i get a little cought up I will be better at the stories...lol

sometimes...

Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I am ungreatful. Sometimes I take for granted. Sometimes I lose my temper. Sometimes I lose track of what matters. Sometimes I am compleatly clueless.

Do you ever notice how immediatly after a loss or a death everyone all of the sudden remembers how important the little things are? After someone passes away and you have to do the greiving all of the sudden what you have is a lot more important. Why is it that it takes something life altering and devistating to stop and smell the roses? Why cant we be greatful and happy and forgiving and patient all of the time not just when things go bad?

Every time I look at photos of my kids and family, or old photos of childhood friends I always think about how good I have it and how I never am greatful enough for the things I have or had and the people in my life.

its so dang easy to forget what you have and just live the everyday routine, and then all of the sudden something happens and you realize that your normal routine can be changed at any second!!!

what will it take for me to STOP and enjoy what I have? do I have to wait until it is gone to be thankful for it? I sure hope not.

Computer = #@!$%#@

Well, I have been trying to get Caseys birthday photos and halloween photos up on here and on facebook. Go figure the memory card we used while taking pictures has failed us. It only works in my moms camera. My computer SD drive wont read it,; my printer SD drive doesn't read it and when I put it in my camera the darn pictures are all fuzzy and out of focus...any suggestions? Any how as soon as i am able to figure out how to get my pictures on the computer my halloween and birthday pictures will be up!!!

pumpkin carving

This year in our garden we grew bunch of pumpkins. The kids have been wanting to carve them basically since the first blooms set onto the pumpkin vines! Finally it is Halloween time and they got to carve their pumpkins. Jaysen and Brock did everything by themselves, including the (very nerve racking) cutting of the faces. Carter did an Excellent job getting the "guts" out, and as you can see from Kennedi's face, she wasn't overly impressed by the pumpkin goo. They all had an excellent time and were all pretty proud of their pumpkins.

Halloween is approaching so fast...we have yet to get much planning done, i am secretly still hoping that it snows that 2 feet and we dont have to dress up or go trick or treating...im sure I wont get so lucky! Jaysen wants to be a Vampire or a Football player or a "men in black" Brock wants to be a wrestler...and the littles, could care less! I think kennedi is going to be a wyoming cowboys cheerleader and carter ... well, maybe a devil. No one ever know until the day of what they end up dressing as.